Little by Little

So I am currently reading a book called Cold Tangerines by Shauna Niequist. I encourage all of you to read it, it is moving and amazing. The subtitle states "celebrating the extraordinary nature of everyday life" yep its one of those you have a highlighter next to you while reading. Anyways I started reading it quite some time ago and just never ended up finishing it, until now. I wanted to try to see if by finally finishing it I could find the inspiration I need to write my statement of purpose essay for my application. And well, as you can imagine I ran across a quote in the book that made me stop and question all my current thoughts. 

As you can read in my last post I talked about hoping to make it to the informational meeting that was held Monday. But then it hit me tonight, sometimes, actually probably most of the time, I am constantly pushing and striving to reach something so much more than is actually ready to be discovered take for instance what Shauna stated in her book:

"I get stuck because I try to map out every dip and turn, try to write an ending, literally and figuratively, before a beginning even exists. So I don't write, but with the energy that I could use on writing, I worry instead."

Although this is referring to her writing career I felt as though I could relate to this on many levels. I wanted so bad to go that informational meeting, so much so I asked to go into work late. Well it didn't work out, I had to go watch my little guys and missed the meeting. It wore on me all day, I kept thinking of all the questions that could have been answered today and how the direction of my research could have been decided. Yet as I lay in bed reading my book and sipping on a glass of wine it all hit me. I plan way to much sometimes and that in the end the other FOUR informational meetings are there for a reason. There is time and I was not meant to attend that meeting for some reason that is unknown to me right now. Perhaps it was for me to read my book and to find a sense of peace in knowing that the time will come when all the answers I have rushing around in my mind will have an answer, until then I will wait.

I want so badly to jump ahead to conclusions and to finish the whole application process and start doing extensive reserach, however something is stopping me from accomplishing all these tasks. I have found I get stuck...I'm not sure why but obviously there is a reason I get writers block or have an obstacle that gets in my way of furthering this journey. Yet I am not defeated. Then I found:

 "Start where you're stuck."

Those four words bring such a peace of mind to me right now, since I've let others know of my adventures I want to take, figuring every single detail out has been pressing on my mind. What I need to keep in mind is pacing and that not everything has to be figured out right this very second. Yet starting where you are stuck is sometimes the best thing you can do. And that brings me back to why I ever wanted to travel to Africa.

"But little by little, when I start where I'm stuck, over and over and over, getting stuck and unstuck, something cracks through, and life reveals itself to me like an scroll unfurling."

Things began to become unstuck for me and came through the cracks ;). I don't want having nothing to say about my progress to my trip to stop me from posting what is inspiring me to be where I am at. I think the following quote really sums up how life and the things that mean the most to you really impact and move you to do something extraordinary. For those of you who know me the last five years have really moved me in a direction I never really expected to go, however I can not complain of where I am at today. I believe that everything happens for a reason, even despite not knowing exactly why, and that each life event, if taken on positively, can mold you into something great. I am believer in that everyone has a story and that everyone has their own stories that shapes them into something else. Part of my story is always wanting to travel to Africa but never fully believing that it could happen. I am now realizing that life is far to short to doubt what you want to do, and regardless of how big your dreams may seem you have to follow through with them and chance them with everything in you. 

This final quote motivates me to continue to write regardless of if anyone reads:

"I feel, in the best moments, in spite of the uncertainty, in spite  of the fear, like Lily Briscoe in To the Lighthouse. Yes, she thought, laying down her brush in extreme fatigue, I have had my vision. I had that line written on my wall for years, years ago, and now it holds a whole new richness. I have had my vision, and I thought it would come in a flash, a bright beam of knowing. But it has come in the same way that all things come to me. it has come to me with a fight. It has come to me the hard way, through tears and fog and fear and chaos, and now has landed in the palm of my hand like a firefly. There now, I have had my vision."

This is powerful to me and reiterates that the dreams I had long ago that I never felt would come true can come true if you believe and put your mind to it. I encourage all of you to find what encourages you and chase after the dreams you are too afraid to chase. Follow through.

Please feel free to e-mail my account to get on the e-mailing list, I would love to share my new posts with all that are following and reading. Join the mailing list at followthroughblog@gmail.com Once you e-mail me your e-mail you will get an e-mail notifying you of the new post. I feel as though Facebook just isn't letting all of you know I wrote something new! 

Once again I thank you all that find the time to read and share my journey. It truly means so much and is so nice to share my thoughts with those who are encouraging me throughout my journey. It means more than words can really say. Thanks a bunch!

God Bless,

Kate