Giving Thanks [part three & four]

---- Day Thirteen {November 13}: I give thanks to 'A' Elementary. I cannot wait to start teaching preschool there in January. I was able to tour the school and meet my mentor teacher. I am in love already and have a new excitement about going into the education field again.

---- Day Fourteen {November 14}: I give thanks to baby snuggles. Babies have a way of trusting people that are not their parents. Ever since getting the job to nanny the boys I have been overwhelmed by how easy babies can connect with their caregivers. I have always been so amazed with how Preston and Ascher have both been so receptive to me when I am watching them. It melts my heart every Wednesday and I am so thankful for working with such a great family.

---- Day Fifteen {November 15}: I give thanks to teaching evaluations. Although this seems like something silly to be thankful for, I am. Today I had THREE evaluations now that's alot.

---- Day Sixteen {November 16}: I give thanks to time away and a train to take it all in on. I sit on a train today taking it from Michigan city to Chicago where I will spend a weekend celebrating six years. What an adventure it has been, and what an adventure the weekend holds!

---- Day Seventeen {November 17}: I give thanks to nature. It was a beautiful day and it was spent with my best friend and in the zoo. The sun was shining the animals were all out and lively. It was a beautiful day spent in and gorgeous place.

---- Day Eighteen {November 18}: I give thanks to rest. To movies, to blankets, to sleep, to just taking it all in and relaxing. It's something I forget to do so often but something we all need.

---- Day Nineteen {November 19}: I give thanks to love. I love being able to be loved, love others, love things, love objects, just love. It's a universal language and feeling and that is so amazing. Today I feel loved and am excited to mark another year off. 

---- Day Twenty {November 20}: I give thanks to six years with the same guy, Brad.They have been fun, funny, kind, loving, hard, up, down. I look forward to where life takes us and for what is ahead.

---- Day Twenty-One {November 21}: I give thanks to old friends and new friends. It's fun to see how some friends change and grow and how others do not. How we can come together and set so much aside and how some things will never change. I like my new friends as a measure of who I am and how as you grow older you begin to surround yourself with different types of people. And guess what, that is okay.

---- Day Twenty-Two {November 22}: I give thanks to my family. As we all gather around the table at my grandmas we all can hopefully take time to reflect back on the past year and find something that we are grateful for. I enjoy the laughter, the food, the company, and the time to just immerse myself in family time.

---- Day Twenty-Three {November 23}: I give thanks to quality time. It doesn't have to be spent doing anything out of the ordinarnary but when cards are involved and people you love, it all makes for one great day.

---- Day Twenty- Four {November 24}: I give thanks to flashbacks. I watched a movie tonight that so vividly brought me back to a place. I sobbed, smiled, and overall enjoyed the movie. I encourage every one to stay tuned as I begin to wrap my head around it more. I will post on it soon along with many other things that have spiraled since watching it. My brain is spinning.

---- Day Twenty- Five {November 25}: I give thanks to memories. More specifically childhood memories that captivate the delicate places that so many take for granted. Today I am reminded of raw and unfamiliar feelings of losing someone six years ago. I think of her family often, and her spirit and fire never cease to leave me. 


I hope as the weekend comes to an end and a new week begins that we have all reflected back and let others know why we are thankful for them. Happy new week friends. It is officially the holiday season!

Giving Thanks [part two]

Feeling very lucky. Looking forward to what this week has to offer, and to escape this upcoming weekend.


---- Day Six {November 6}: I give thanks to having a voice and being able to have some sort of say in a democracy that is not guaranteed to so many worldwide. It doesn't make everyone happy, but I think it is amazing to see how for one day, maybe even a week the nation comes together. Some celebrate, some are disappointed, but regardless they all take part in something that many people take for granted.

---- Day Seven {November 7}: I give thanks to a 14 hour work day. While the hours for one day may seem like a lot it didn't seem like I was there nearly that long. I am so very thankful for having a job that I enjoy, that brings me a peace of mind, and a great escape from the city outside that's waiting to eat me up.


---- Day Eight {November 8}:I give thanks to a quiet night in Holland with movies. It seems like ages since I have rented movies and snuggle up in my basement with a blanket and my rented movies. I was surrounded by my parents, and was able to visit with neighbors earlier in the evening. Sometimes it is the familiarity of what you know so well that gets lost in the hustle of every day life that it is nice to be able to come home and become grounded.

---- Day Nine {November 9}: I give thanks to a fun, yet laid back evening out with great ladies. Tonight was spent tasting different wines followed by a nice appetizer dinner in a candle lit restaurant. It was relaxing, but it was accompanied with great company. Women who are strong, passionate, and easy to talk with. It was truly a great evening out.

---- Day Ten {November 10}: I give thanks to gatherings. Tonight we all got together at my brother and future sister in laws house for a nice appetizer and wine party. Many good laughs shared. But my favorite part of it all was my whole family being together under one roof, at the same time.

---- Day Eleven {November 11}: I give thanks to all the men and women who serve our country and are continuing to enlist every day. Those who have given up their lives to protect ours, and who are not afraid of what their duty holds. A job that often goes unnoticed or un-appreciated. Thank you to all that step up to give us our freedoms every day.

---- Day Twelve {November 12}: I give thanks to silence. Something I learned months ago on a cliff in Dakar, but I sometimes lose sight of what silence can do for you. I sat and worked my heart out on all the work I have to get accomplished for this week at a coffee shop. I sat with music quietly playing. I then followed my evening making a dinner, eating it alone, and now adding the finishing touches on this post, in silence. Silence is seen as intimidating, for me it is cleansing, and there is not a soul that is intruding. I feel close to Him, safe, protected, loved, and not judged. That is beautiful. And it gets a lot of my work accomplished and brings me peace while doing it. 

Happy Monday Friends. Thanks for reading.

Giving Thanks [part one]

November means so many things to me: one is that fact that the semester is almost over, there is Thanksgiving break, Brad and I celebrate another year together, but most importantly it means that the holiday season is right around the corner and with that comes lots of yummy food, time off, and most importantly time with family.

Holidays mean so much more now that I am older. I used to see it like any young child did a day to play in the snow and have Santa come, etc. Now it means coming together and seeing and sharing time with people that I am not able to see often. It really is a happy time of the year. It is also time to give back to take time for yourself and just to truly embrace the new season.

This November many people have been doing something that they are thankful for every day. I prefer to use my blog to do it and to do it weekly.  I'm thinking I will do it in clusters of five days --- six posts of 'Giving thanks.' 

Here's number one.


---- Day One {November 1}: I give thanks to my friend Jen. She is an amazing person inside and out. Has a heart of gold and would really do anything for anyone. She deserves more of thanks but I woke up today thinking of her and so today I am thankful for Jen aka Fish.

---- Day Two {November 2}: I give thanks to places to escape Kalamazoo [Farmington & Holland]. We all need an outlet and today I realized I needed out of Kalamazoo before I exploded. My weekends this month have me somewhere else every weekend. Surrounded by those who support me and are not associated with Kalamazoo and my coursework. While the work that needs to be done prior to the weekends is time consuming, it is all worth it once Friday comes.

---- Day Three {November 3}: I give thanks to hobbies more importantly biking. Biking through the trails on the east side of the state are not easy, they are trying, they frustrate me, but it is good for me. I need to get out in the fresh air, enjoy what mother nature has to offer. And put some more quality mileage on my bike!

---- Day Four {November 4}: I give thanks to the ability to have a roof over my head, and the heat to warm my house, and the food to feed my belly. Watching the news lately is a ever present reminded that those affected by Sandy have had their lives shaken and broken and have lost so much. While I can sit on my couch at night working on what needs to be done and aid as support for my friends I realize 

---- Day Five {November 5}: I give thanks to my running shoes. Today I turn a new leaf, I get back on the track and I begin to work out more and run. Its a new goal to get certified to instruct classes. And I realize every day that I need some sort of outlet. My outlet has always been running and I am saddened I have let myself get so busy to not enjoy a good solid run. I still have my own personal running goals and May will approach much sooner than expected and I will be running the Fifth Third again. My doctor has even adviced me to find a way to de-stress. Running is the key. Hitting the pavement after class tonight!


I am feeling very grateful for where life has taken me this semester, it has been so challenging however I know that I need this growth. I find it to be so good for me to reflect on what I am thankful for and as the month goes on I will get more in depth I'm sure. Until then there are five days of thankfulness. Five more to come soon! Happy Monday!

Happy Birthday Blog!

My blog is one year old!

How exciting is that --- it also marks one year since I announced my exciting news!I could never have imagined where that exciting news would take me. What I would feel in my heart, and how I am forever changed.

I am beyond words for all of you readers who continue to read and keep me believing that there is something so beautiful out there. I have been broken down and built up and I am so very thankful for all the readership and kind words from you all. 

This past year has shown me that dreams do come to true and that on occasion we must all do something for ourselves. That something 'small' for me was to go to Dakar. Hands down one of the best decisions in my life so far and I know now that there are many more to come. 

The other day while sitting at dinner with Brad he said "I think that maybe you should go back to Dakar or move there" I laughed, and while he didnt mean it meanly at all --- I asked him why. He responded "You talk about it every day."

And I do. It was so amazing that it deserves to be remembered every day. And the daily constant reminders lets me know that I will be back.

Onto other things. It's November. And with that comes many great things. Most importantly being thankful. I think it is something that many of us over look but since Thanksgiving is in November we should take time to reflect on what we are thankful for. 

I will be back tomorrow with a thankful post.Until then Happy November. 

Be thankful.

Strength

I have found that I have been so overwhelmed lately and have felt that my life is in an uncontrollable downward spiral. I have lost passion, I have had not time to reflect, to be with people I need. The piles are never ending up. While I know this is a picture of my future, man does it suck!

Then Tuesday at noon came where I went and met with Sarah about my project and presentation I have to prepare to give in regards to
Our conversation went something to the extent of:
        "When do you want to work on your project?"
                  "Sigh, uh..."
         "Are you thinking this semester is going to be too much, I just thought you had a specific deadline."
                          "No, just by time I start my internship..."
               "Well we just need to block out big chunks of time, are you thinking you will have that?"
     "Ha. I think I need to make time, maybe having to go through all of this stuff will help refocus why I am  going into this field again..."
                "What's the matter, you don't seem like yourself, you do not seem okay."
                                                     {Tears}

The conversation went on of course and this quote sums up it, and it really was something I needed to hear, it redirected me and put me back on track. I went home so motivated and got so many things accomplished. I found this quote today: "I am a strong person, but every now and then I need someone to take my hand and say everything will be alright." 

Thank you Sarah.

In the past couple of weeks I have been so caught up in school that I have forgotten many things, I have forgotten my focus, drive, passion. I have started to question things. I have started to stress big time. I have just started to slowly see myself become unhappy. But I am refusing to let that keep me down, I am so close to the end, I must keep going. 

Its a hard battle, its something I deal with every day. But I am reminded daily of the struggles others are suffering with on a daily basis and know that while I become overwhelmed I have it so easy. And knowing that is something that is so important to hold onto, it refocuses, it grounds, and it keeps me moving forward. 


I am a firm believer in that everything happens for a reason and while I know that there is not always a direct answer, there usually is one along the way. And while this week I do not have time to be blogging and I really owe Brad a jumbo apology for completing losing it several times this week. Here I am for a brain break.

Anyways, back to my 'everything happens for a reason rant...' Here are my reasons why:

1. Music: The song 'Follow Through' aka what my blog is named after came on while filling in applications and something I based my decision off Africa on. "I bless the rains down in Africa..." Toto was our theme song while in Dakar, we all loved it and it made our bus rides go smoothly. This morning while still waking up I turned on the ipod at work and that line came busting through the speakers. The volume was much louder than it usually was, it made me stop dead in my tracks.

*Last week: completely in over my head, lacking groceries, and a creative mind I went to the local grocery store (similar to Family Fare back home) -- I stood and stared at the Macaroni and Cheese for almost ten minutes, not because I couldn't decide [okay well maybe] but I was spent. I continued down the aisle with a box in my hand [Velveeta, its so bad for you!]. Anyways and there I stopped again in front of the ethic foods section and a song came on Jason Mraz 'You and I Both,' out of my daze I smiled, giggled quietly and thanked God. God puts Jason into my life at all the right moments, as you can probably tell if  you look back on past posts. "You and I Both" is the song that got me hooked on Jason and "I Won't Give Up" held my hand all the way to Dakar and all the way back. Side note: Love is a Four Letter Word is a fantastic CD by Jason. Anyways I firmly believe God puts music into my life when he knows I'm struggling. Regardless of nannying, grocery gazing, or Pandora listening its always a good reminder he is still listening to my heart cries.

2. My Jesus Calling Devotional, I was reading back on some old posts last week and realized I quoted that book a lot while I was away. And while I do not check it every day like I should, sometimes I feel compelled to pick it up, and when I do I am never let down. I am so wonderfully reminded that God is still with me. That book has a way with knowing exactly what I need to hear. 

3. I think I started out having three reasons, but I like my 2 for now.

All will be well. I am looking forward to heading home this weekend,  to taking a mental break at home. Today I am grateful. It's Monday, its a new week. It's time to keep pushing forward. 

Monday Glory [in photos]:

Happy Monday all! Stay dry & be happy!

Morning Glory

Good morning!!

Yesterday began with a text from the mom I nanny for informing me that I was a HALF hour late, only asking if I was alright I rushed out of bed forgetting to brush my teeth, apply deodorant, and completely forgetting anything to complete during nap time. Do not worry I have a second supply of everything but my homework so I eventually got everything squared away once I let them go on their way.

Let me tell you, waking up like that is not a fun way to welcome the morning. It completely threw my day off and got me upset for not having any of my to-do list with me, not to mention I was making B late. But then I sat and thought.... I could either let waking up late bring me down the whole day OR I could embrace the lesson that God was teaching me for the day. Then all of a sudden I get a text with this written on it from the one and only Jesus Calling Devotional Book...

"When many things seem to be going wrong, trust me. When your life feels increasingly out of control, thank Me. These are supernatural responses, and they can lift you above your circumstances. If you do what comes naturally in the face of difficulties, you may fall prey of negativism. Even a few complaints can set you on a path that is a downward spiral, by darkening your perspective and mind-set. With this attitude controlling you, complaints flow more and more readily from your mouth. Each one moves you steadily down the slippery spiral. The lower you go, the faster you slide; but it is still possible to apply brakes. Cry out to Me in My Name! Affirm your trust in Me, regardless of how you feel. Thank Me for everything, though this seems unnatural -- even irrational. Gradually you will begin to ascend, recovering your lost ground.

When you are back on ground level, you can face your circumstances from humble perspective. If you choose supernatural responses this time --- trusting and thanking Me --- you will experience My unfathomable Peace."

It was in those words that my initial thought about being frustrated, but not letting it ruin my day shined through in those words. [Thanks Jen aka Fish]

So as we all embrace this day and all that it has in store for us, let's take it all with a grain of salt and more importantly understand that all that occurs in today is meant to be and if it at all seems irritating its merely a lesson, its not a frustration. 

Enjoy Thursday friends, and plus it is almost Friday which means its almost the weekend!!

Happy day! :)

Monday Happy

 Start here, press play and scroll!

**Feel free to read the lyrics too :)**

Candles make everything better, hands down.

breakfast in bed, don't mind if I do. I heart Farmington trips!

take me out to the ball game

puppy love.

change is good for the heart, for the soul. loving a change or scenery.

they keep me young at heart, their zest, their young molding minds, they are inspiring.

everyone needs loving, siblings are great.

its okay to take a 'me' day with a friend. pumpkin spice is in the house.

my  best friend makes good memories and welcomes fall with yummy treats.

trips home to one of my favorite places, ahh!

one of the best nights I've had in a long time, Jason I tell you he has a way with his lyrics.

the future is at their finger tips, I hope I'm making an impact. these two make me want to be good, to do good. to be.

the great debate to work out or to study -- I'll have a glass of both thanks.

change is good. beauty comes in change.

sometimes something from the past comes along, and boy is it a great reminder that all is gonna be okay!

I have some good support, love, and drive. Thank you.

I realize that I love taking pictures of the little things that make me happy. I don't always share them all but today is different. Today we all welcome Monday with open arms, and the greetings of Fall is in my opinion in full fledged now because its October! Happy Breast Cancer month, and Down Syndrome month. 

Another reason for this post, well to be frank. POSITIVITY! Man oh mister have there been some debby downers and negativity that have a way of crawling through my life path. Peace out. Above are pictures that capture some of the best moments of this semester so far and guess what its not showcasing those who can't confront their own insecurities and those whose only deeds are to talk behind backs instead of facing it head on. Newsflash people, words spread. Life is too short to be hating. 

Change is good and change is what is happening before my very eyes. I'm happy. I'm in a good place. And I am perfectly content with that sticking around for a bit.

"As much as we love to be unique and we make efforts to stand out as different through our style, our home decorating, our thoughts and ideas, we cannot escape the fact that at our core, we are the same. We are human. We want to be loved, we want to feel safe, we want to be heard, we want to contribute, we want to be happy. All of us."  [quote of my day]

Happy Monday!

Six & One {T&C}

It's official that Fall has sprung and the temperatures call for blankets, sweatshirts, a tea kettles whistling however Fall always brings up moments that make you stop and pause for a minute and realize how short life can be. 

 It is hard to believe that almost six years ago a childhood friend passed away in a car accident less than a mile away from my house. I remember the day like it was yesterday and every November it sinks back in what happened. I believe that moments like those should regardless of the heartache, pain, and questioning. I spent the weekend in Ludington after Thanksgiving dinner with my family where I experienced my first real dates with a boy I had a mad crush on. It was in those first days of our relationship that I experienced the first real tragedy I experienced in my life. I remember playing cards with my cousin Taylor laughing at who would catch on the to the rules. My grandma was on the phone when I returned home from lunch to play cards, and I didn't think much of it. Until the phone was handed to me. I really didn't think much of it, I tried getting a hold of my mom earlier in the day but she was busy and would call me back. What she was busy with I wish wasn't what occupied her time. She broke the news on how Tonya had been in a car accident and lost her life and how B may or may not be okay, it was all so surreal. I packed. I made some calls. 

 I held Brad's hand as he drove me home, to be exactly where I needed to be. Home with my family. 

The couples weeks that followed were unreal, I had never experienced anything like what had happened and I could not believe it happened. We had visitations, a funeral and my life as a high schooler still continued. I went to school, practiced for volleyball, repeat. It was a blur. Four days after her funeral I tore my ACL, I couldn't be sad though, other people had it so much worse. 

Last year, a year ago actually today, I was together with friends to wind down from the week and take part in our daily ritual. Watch Jersey Shore with a glass of wine. A phone call came to Brad and the news was broke again. Yet again another neighbor, another shaking moment for our neighborhood and for yet another family that didn't deserve this pain. The whole apartment shook with the words that spoke the truth of what happened.

 I held Brad's hand as he drove me home, to be exactly where I needed to be. Home with my family. 

The only moment that flashed through my head is "No,no,no I just talked to his sister, he's getting married this weekend!" I remember how it felt, it must have been a joke, how could two people that I grew up with, that my brother was close to be gone... I felt like something like that could only happen once, why twice? Any why to two amazing families. It didn't seem fair. It didn't seem right. And while I wasn't extremely close to the family at the time, I could never underestimate the memories shared, let alone the pain, heartache, everything. It was a flashback, one that tore at raw emotions one would only hope to never feel again. I traveled home that night, but returned the next day. 

I went home dressed in dark clothes on Tuesday after class. I went to another funeral of a life too short to consider full. It was a bittersweet feeling, one where you are surrounded by so many people who you know love and support you, but where seeing them in the state you were are in is just not fair. Why couldn't it just be a summer barbeque? Not that any funeral is fun, but when it comes at such a tragic time and when it is so unexpected and before one very important day in someones life and when two lives are taken. It's hard. Why is it that moments like these are so vivid when you look back at them? I will never forget walking in being torn to the open casket and then turning around to Ross. Ross. My childhood buddy who I haven't seen in ages cause he moved to North Carolina, he was home. He grabbed me pulled me in and hugged me. Regardless of when you see someone, the memories you share can really help out in a time I was in. The funeral was raw with bleeding emotion, beautiful stories, and sweet melodies. 

 Its been almost six year since the passing of Tonya, and today marks a year for Chad. The vivid images come flooding back from both days, like putting salt on a open wound, but it does get easier over time. 

I am so lucky to have been raised in such a family-like neighborhood, one that is still filled with so many memories and friends. And as we have all grown up and taken off on our own journeys we all still hold a precious piece of a childhood that was truly top notch. So when things happen like things that have happened six and almost one years ago it is hard to see families you have grown up with suffer, and one thing I have found is everyone of my neighborhood families suffers too. We all take a different approach to life, and we always step in when necessary and give space when it is needed. We have prepared meals, we have visited, we have hugged, cried, laughed, and remembered. And that is so humbling to remember when anniversaries come about every year. 

Not many people my age can say that they have experience such a loss, and while when Tonya passed I struggled to bounce back, I realize now I bounced back so much stronger. I have learned that it is okay to be sad, that it is okay to feel the highs and lows and in-betweens of what loss includes. I have learned that it is okay to have questions and to be frustrated, angry, and completely not understand. However great things can come out of great tragedy. It will always take time to figure out exactly why though. 

 Fall brings beauty but for some it also brings a reminder of sad days along the way. Hold close to those you love, and let them know.

So it begins...

I have learned through almost blogging for a year, that I have fallen in love with blogging, blogs, and other peoples stories. I have also learned about how amazing this type of outlet is. I can see stats on how many people have read and it is overwhelming but so wonderful! Although I am currently surrounded by textbooks, assignments screaming to be completed here I am blogging. I am crossing my fingers in hopes that I will be able to pop in once a week, and hopefully Sundays will turn into more 'I am' poems.

I have had an overwhelming couple weeks. One that has resulted in a lot of organization, being flexible, being reunited with old colleagues and realizations. I mentioned last post on how things are changing and how this is my last year at Western.


This week I have yearned for home or from some escape from this place. My apartment. My college. From everything. I have struggled.

In all honesty I think it is a combination of a lot of things. While I well seasoned in being a professional college student every year brings something new. This year the whole College of Education is in a new building, it is beautiful, spacious, and very up to date.It is beautiful. However it is something very new and something that shows signs of an ending. I am eager to graduate and move on, however I still have found such a comfort in so many things.

For one. Would be the family I nanny for. Those little ones have captured my heart and have made me fall in love with my future profession and while most days they are great birth control I look forward to the day when I'm older and can have my own babies. They have been such a stress reliever on occasions and have been great advice when I need it.

I am thankful also for the new friends I have made, the laughs and giggles I will forever cherish, and most importantly I have grown. I have become a mini adult, which at times is so frusterating, but I have learned to manage money, time, bills, and living away from my parents. And while my time at Western is closing in and it makes me so happy I find it still important to step back and look at the bigger picture of what I have gained from moving away from home and getting a college education, there are so many things that contribute to my education. For all those I am grateful.

There are so many thoughts swirling through my brain and as I have a weekend to semi-relax I hope to capture it all in a better post, this one was been going on since day one of this semester, until then stay tuned and thank you for reading!

Change & Comfort

It's so crazy to think that it is already September and with that school begins and cooler temperatures begin to fill the air and warm breezes cool into a crisp fall chill and the leaves begin to crisp and change. While I have had the most amazing summer I've had in a while I am still looking forward to the comforts of a set routine and being one step closer to being done with school.

I am looking forward to the fall comforts that college has grown to make me love. I grew up a summer girl thriving off of the sunshine, sand between my toes, melting ice cream, and sun kissed skin. I've learned quite quickly that once you hit a semi-adulthood lifestyle work days and other commitments slowly creep in and make the beach life priority slide by the wayside slightly. sigh.

I will however miss the days where you can do whatever the day brings, where you can lounge all day and not have a care in the world, where meeting with friends last minute is okay, and when road trips to the east side on a Tuesday evening fits perfectly into the day.

But since there are some things in life that we cannot help but embrace we might as well take the time and welcome fall with open arms and with that my toes curl in delight over thinking of: hoodies, boots, apple crisp, apple cider, football games with friends, pretty fall colors, open windows with Fall smells swirling through the walls of my apartment, pumpkin spice lattes, pumpkin patches, apple orchards, amazing evening runs,raking up leaves for the boys to jump in and have them relive some of my favorite childhood Fall memories, pumpkin carving, Halloween dressing up with friends, candles of pumpkins, cinnamon, goodness! I'm sure there is more to add to the list, but I really am starting to embrace this chillier season. It's new territory but there is a beauty and comforting sense that comes with the change of season.

...Did I mention pumpkin spice lattes, yeah I really love them back when I wasn't a fan of Fall those things kept me toasty while I tip toed through fall to the still dreaded winter.... I keep coffee shops in way to good of business [bad habit]

And while it is evident when Fall approaches due to the leaves changing and much cooler temperatures from the summer we have all endured, there is still many changes I am still facing and sorting through. I have always been one to enjoy school, I'm a book worm, I sport my nerd flag high, and I love seeing where I am placed for my practicums. This new school year brings much more anxiety, its a new beginning however it is closing in on my time here at Western. My time with my three favorite little boys. It's about to all change. I cannot wrap my head around it all yet and it makes me anxious. Yes, I know all will be well, but it is still challenging for me. Before I can truly accept that is all about to happen I need to change many things that are putting up barriers in front of enjoying all my new moments and comfort. Tuesday brings my senior year and it is time to live it up, embrace it, and filter through all the non sense. Fall will surely bring change. Lets hope it works out well. Prayers please!

With Fall I am expecting some changes. Changes that will help my sanity. Changes that will help my friends. Changes that will help my stress levels. Changes that will make me happier. Changes that will hopefully be good! Change that will bring comfort [fingers crossed].

friend[Ships]

I will start with this picture...

I posted this quote on my moms Facebook wall because on the day that I found it I had called her upset while coming back from a relaxing retreat in my yoga class. I called her because sometimes a mom is the only person who is going to have the answers you need and when you cannot be there in person with them technology allows you to call them and chat it out. Thats what I did --- details will be limited on this however I want to be real. I called her because my friendship and character was falsely accused.

My mom reminded me  "I have alot of good girlfriends, we've had our ups and downs too, it is alot of give and take!"

My text message and my moms advice got me to thinking and appreciating {after all there is always something positive and meaningful in every difficult moment or situation}!!    ...

Number one thing learned = family will always be your best friend -- through thick, thin, ups, downs, agreements, disagreements they will always have your back and love you for you. That's pretty amazing the man upstairs she is a smart man! Fam{ily}!

Friendship is tricky. It really is. I cannot say that I have always been the best friend. And much like life, I'm pretty sure friendship didn't come with a set of instructions. So there is going to be moments of mistakes, where judgement doesn't pan out well with you and sometimes friendship doesn't deal you the best hand of cards. But I truly believe that everyone wants a good friend and wants to be a good friend as well.

This summer I have been shown what it looks like and feels like to be treated and accepted as a friend. Flaws and all. I have also learned how to strengthen, rejuvinate, and embrace old friendships as well. I'm still working out the flaws and kinks however I will always stand behind what I say and believe 'friendship works two ways' without it going two ways it is destined for failure....

 "A good friend is a connection to life -- a tie to the past, a road to the future, a key to sanity in a totally insane world."

Brittany Lynn. In all honestly I can truly say I did not like her when I met her, however God put her in my life and has kept her there ever since. Thank the good lord above for her. She's the girl I already have labeled as maid of honor far before a ring or idea of who would put a ring on my finger ever came to be. And that label will stand until the day my dress need latching, my veil needs straightening and I need a sidekick but more importantly a best friend. She's the girl I want holding my hand through the ups and downs and all the big moments life has to offer and from prime examples Britt will always do a fine job at that. "Everything is funnier when you are with your best friend." I believe this quote is 100% true. Britt keeps me on my toes makes me remember how to belly laugh, go on random adventures, and to find the best times out of the littlest moments. People may not understand us most of the time or a majority of the time at all but that is why I love us and will always be so thankful and cherish every beat of our quirky yet amazing friendship. We get each other and that's all that matters. We will never fully grow up but if and when we decide to shes the type of girl I want holding my hand through it all, as she has already done, continues to do, and what I wholeheartedly believe she will always do. She has never let me down and this is why I call her my best friend.

 I know I have said it before but this girl pictured above is that person that God puts in your life that you unexpectedly come across for some reason and things just click. Jennifer is so amazing in so many ways she became an instant friend. She has seen me in all ways of my being and I admire her for continuing to love who I am. Jen has a way of letting me cut lose, break me down, to build me back up and has made me appreciate exactly who I am. I admire her and will cherish her every day of my life.

"A true friend warms you with her presence, trusts you with her secrets, and remembers you in her prayers."

 Friendship comes from all facets of life. While some may find it odd I found a friend in eighth grade and that friend just so happened to be my social studies teacher. I can tell you that I learned about manifest destiny, that is honestly the only thing I remember learning, oh and those brain teaser things we did every Friday. Aside from the course work I learned so much more, I was shown a fine example of how not only to be a teacher that students liked but also what it was like to be a teacher who is a friend. I continually look to Jill for the educational and teacher perspective of this teaching adventure I am going through and appreciate her support and guidance through all those days where education just doesn't make sense and when I just want to turn my back against it all. Jill has shown me what it looks like to have a mentor, a positive role model for a teacher, and most importantly what a good friend consists of.

My friend from another school! But oh so much more. She's the type of girl that has said to me before that if we actually went to the same school people would have such a hard time figuring us out that it would be way to much fun and nothing would ever get done. So true after this summer. This girl has a heart of gold, the brain of a genius and the sense of humor that will put a smile on anyone's face and bust the gut of those who enjoy a taste of an awesome sense of humor. Katlyn recently moved out {not enjoying the empty side of my closet} and left me a sweet message but this stuck out to me "I am extremely proud of what a beautiful, strong, yet gentle soul you are- and it was only shown through how you allowed Africa to break and change you - never let go of that." Not many can say their friends allow them to know how proud of them they are, I can honestly say that those close to me I am proud of who you are as an individual and for who you have helped mold me in to and for all that you stand for. I think it is important ,and thanks to Katlyn I have learned this, but to surround yourself with people who can make you laugh and enjoy a good evening of lounging and talking about life with. That is what I am going to strive for this academic year. Not to mention I cannot wait for my trips to Valpo!! Thanks for being an awesome summer roommate Katlyn -- it's fine, no worries!

Four best friends that anyone could have. I would like to officially titled the four of us with one of the most unique yet highly awesome friendships I could possibly ever ask for in my life. We have a interesting webbing of how our friendship works but it works for us all and it is one rocking and fun friendship. But that is what is so great it is a chain of friendships that intertwined and have formed a bond one that I always wanted to find in college and the most fun part about it all is that we are two couples that are dating however even walking down the street I would want to be friends with each one of these people, but lucky for me I get us all as couples!I am so glad I have been able to walk through life adventures and experiences with these three by my side loving life, laughing, dancing, running {yay color run}, and camping 2012. I look forward to watching our friendship grow up and as we all take our own unique career paths and form a lifestyle out of each of them and yet still {fingers crossed} become neighbors!! Thanks best friends! Smooochesss!

"Always pray to have eyes that see the best in people, a heart that forgives the worst, mind that forgets the bad, & a soul that never loses faith in God."

I continually am trying to better myself, my surroundings, and continue to find people who lift me up. I have learned so much just in this summer about myself, my family, and my friends. Friends are going to come and go and I know there are still friendships out there that have been tucked away on a shelf collecting far too much dust --- its time for me to begin to clean shop and dust the old ones that are never forgotten. But I will always be a firm believer that friendship takes two like any relationship does one can not take all the pressure to pursue a quality and stable friendship. I want to take the above quote and apply it to my relationships and friends and never be too quick to judge, but instead to pray. And even when times get tough and the waters get rough the friend[ships] that are built will always help you along. Friends are pretty fantastic and they should always accept you for exactly the way you are and to me that is pretty amazing && lucky for me I have found a handful of friends who are just that --- I consider myself pretty lucky!

Find the friends that mean the most to you and you have forgotten to be grateful for and thank them --- to all of you above mentioned thank you!

Sunshine

A year ago I posted this picture...

There are many more photos that captivate this place however I remember sitting on the beach and reflecting on my week at camp. Last year brought many challenges with my camper however it is always still rewarding. After much reflection after coming home this summer I was signed up for session two to be a counselor. After much debate and inner workings I figured out that this year camp would have to be set aside. I would continue to be a part of camp just in a different way this year, I was a floater. Meaning I would be paired with a camper for an hour to allow the counselors to catch some shut eye shower in a less hassled area or just take an hour to do nothing but reflect. I had a hard time allowing myself not to partcipate in the four day three night adventure I take every summer -- I had to weigh my pros and cons.

Pros. I would still be able to attend the talent show, I would still get to participate in an hour of crafts and an hour of recreation and a hour of lessons. Times that by two days and I got six wonderful hours of camp activities! I still got to sing songs & see those beautiful campers.

Cons. I would not get to call a camper my special friend, I would miss out on the sunsets on the deck, reflections, counselor friends, campers who continually have a positive attitude, smiles, tears of happiness, pure joy and love. I would miss the campers singing in pure delight. I would miss campers being overly pumped about the camp food, the amazing staff that works in the kitchen. The amazing staff that puts camp on every year. The crystal clear sky that shows God grace with him shining brightly through the stars (there has not been one year that hasn't showcased beauty like his sky at camp).

And while my cons outweigh my pros it was necessary for me to step back this year. For many reasons however I know after volunteering for a couple hours each day was enough for me this year. 

Another thing that spoke to me that I had made the right decision to allow myself to just get a glimpse that was the theme: TREASURES. On Saturday morning I listened to a lesson on what Mimi treasured most in her life from showing numerous pictures, rocks from adventures and from different places around the world. Sitting around my neck that first day floating was my beaded necklace from a market in Dakar -- unintentionally wearing it as a treasure it was true, I treasure that piece of jewelry. And treasures were exactly what I thought about the rest of the weekend -- I wasn't meant to do camp this year because it was necessary for me to treasure my trip this year. That is not to say that I won't be attending next year and sitting in the middle of the talent show instead of as an 'outsider.'

Like any year of camp it is so refreshing to walk on the grounds of camp and be in a non-judgmental environment, pure happiness all around. It is so refreshing to see counselors who showcase that there are still pure-hearted goodness left in this world that most recently has been shaken with gunmen and so many other injustices the world holds. At camp that is all subsided and the environment is so care free and a breathe of fresh air. I am so honored to be part of such a wonderful community. Camp Sunshine sure makes me happy. 30 years of pure perfection!

Think of what you treasure and be thankful.

Happy Tuesday!

Mumbo-Jumbo

I think it's funny that right when I am about to shut down for the evening and get some shut eye a burst of thoughts come flooding into my head and are busting at the seams to get out and explore my empty blog pages. This is draft two I have talked with a couple people about how most of my posts come with days or weeks in between debut I spit the words out and then days later go back and piece it all together && while I wonder if anyone is truly reading and keeping tabs on my latest mumbo-jumbo I look at my blog stats and overwhelming become surprised and blessed to see all the readership that is out there. So with that, thank you readers! Because of you and your eyes that read I will continue to write. Not to mention some really nice texts that give me that extra boost that lets me know someone is reading --- talk about refreshing!

Life is full of changes lately, mostly meaning I moved into a new room and let me tell you it feels like I own a house of something, I have been scrubbing walls, showers, sinks, and sorting through mounds of clothes and figuring out how to arrange my room to fit a new roommate in a month --- no big deal. But I'm liking my new 'home.' Aside from moving I have still and yes STILL dealing with transitional issues from the aftermath of traveling and fingers crossed my doc has it all figured out and on the correct medicine now!! My goodness, its been interesting I guess Africa hasn't wanted to leave me yet ha-ha.

Upon moving, unpacking, organizing, etc I found my journals and notebook from my travels. I read them.

June 13. Last handwritten journal.

I am so thankful that I took the time to blog. Because after my journal ended I read my past blog posts. And in preparation for my presentation at the end of August for a woman's group I am becoming inspired! I am so thankful that I blogged to share my experiences but more importantly I am thankful that I wrote it all down in my personal journals and within those pages holds raw all over the place emotion and it has the power to bring me right back to those days. In reading through those pages and through the several blog posts --- I get this feeling of being stuck.

I think about rejuvenated and refreshed and hopeful I came back feeling however now I'm sitting in my 'new' room with all the same things I had before I left except a stack of beautiful photos and devotionals and a slew of e-mails to friends I have made in Senegal. However, what have I done to get myself back there or what I have I done to make this coming school year for the schools I worked in, let me tell you. Not.a.damn.thing. 

And guess what that bothers me. I do not want to be stuck. I do not want to get caught up in the same routines, the same group of draining people, and goodness gracious I want to make a change. Not only for my own well-being for the well-beings of so many people around me locally and also abroad.

With that being said I have ideas --- yep lots of them. They are brewing, stirring, churning in my noggin and I think now that I have faced the music it is time to start making thoughts into actions. And I leave this post with a wonderful song that motivates me cause it speaks to so many things. Happy Tuesday, keep reading I'll start posting more - stay posted to more changes!