Whirlwind.

In one day I was in Dakar and then New York and then landed in Detroit reunited with my parents and Bradley. Luggage claimed. Hugged goodbye to my travel buddies. Packed the car. Dropped Brad off. Traveled to Holland. Arrived in Holland at 1am. 12 hours of travel. Quick shower. Bed. Awake at 9. Exhausted. Pedicure. Guilt. Chiropractor adjustment with a massage. Guilt. Tears. Family Time. sleep. so on and so forth.

Breathe in. 
Breathe out.

This week has been exhausting not only physically, thank you jet lag, but emotionally.We were warned that coming back would be harder than going over there, and while I wondered how it could actually be harder coming back to something familiar considering what my initial thoughts were landing in Dakar. The past four days have been harder than any days spent in Dakar [I use that semi-lightly]. I have reflected, cried, laughed, reminisced, and enjoyed the things I missed about home, and felt a large amount of guilt that sneaks in randomly throughout my days. Guilt is hard and when you feel guilty about everything it makes it even harder, and therefore I think that is why it is so hard to process and re-acclimate to being home. I'm learning it is a process.

I am longing to feel anything, anything at all. I feel as though I am existing as life moves all around me. It saddens me because just four days ago I was in a place where I lived in the moment and absorbed everything. I knew it would be hard to transition back, I did, however I did not realize I would be affected in this capacity. It is so hard to explain I have a sense of rejuvenation, a drive, a new being that is pulsing through me however as I sit and write this I feel nothing, I feel hollow, I feel a longing for something I cannot put my finger on. I'm sure the definition behind this all is culture shock

It's in the pictures I have been unable to show many where my heart still exists. Its in those eyes, those smiles, those hands, those beings.Its in that place.

There is nothing more you can do other than take in each breathe, release it, and repeat, and take each day as it comes. I have found that it might get harder before it gets easier and that's okay, it's hard, but it will all be well.

It'll all come full circle and I will find a way to embed my precious memories into my daily life and continue on with the life I lead here. I was built up in Dakar, and broken down here but I realize that here is where I need to change, I need to reflect, process and filter and it will all eventually settle. 

Do not get me wrong I am so thankful to be back home and back into what is comfortable and to be able to share my experiences, however I think I am not ready to let it all out yet. I have seen little glimpses of my journey seep out through my lips and the sound stings and I feel compelled to  suck the words back in, they aren't ready. I'm not ready. And either is my heart. It's a tug-a-war relationship I want to share, I want to shout about it from a roof top, I want the world to know, I want to share it all. I have been asked "what was your favorite part?" "What was the hardest thing you saw?" "What was the worst part?" ---- I have answers to them all, however right now there wasn't a favorite part, it all was. And yes there were horrible parts but that doesn't overtake the people, the spirit, Dakar. 

And maybe I can't talk about it yet because then I would be living off the memories instead of keeping it all to myself and acting like some part of me is still there doing something for those kids. Maybe that was the void I was feeling when I left, I do not feel like my part is done there, I feel compelled to go back, I feel compelled to keep those moments, those faces, everything alive in me and around me. I just do not have answers, or feelings, or anything right now. And that's okay, for now.

And as I settle back into the old routines and some of my habits I always keep the past three weeks in my mind and heart. I continue to pray heavily on figuring everything out and to have the big man help me along my way and help me process through things the way that I should. That has brought comfort it has brought someone along through the highs and lows and ins and outs of returning back to the United State --- Michigan --- Holland --- Kalamazoo.

To sum it all up for now I resort to my go to but ever clever devotional book, I swear it knows me, it is slightly creepy:

" Wait patiently with me while I bless you. Don't rush into My Presence with time-consciousness gnawing at your mind. I dwell in timelessness: I am, I was, I will always be. For you, time is a protection; you're a frail creature who can handle only twenty-four-hour segments of life. Time can also be a tyrant, ticking away relentlessly in your mind. Learn to master time, or it will be your master. Though you are a time-bound creature, seek to meet Me in timelessness. As you focus on My Presence, the demands of time and tasks will diminish. I will bless you and keep you, making My Face shine upon you graciously, giving you Peace."

[Jesus Calling Devotional Book]

That's a wrap

The bags are packed, the clothes are donated to people who need them, and my flight is all checked in. All I have to do is greet my last morning in Dakar at the beach where I will watch the sunrise over this great land I've spent the last three weeks.

And as I look back three weeks ago I see someone who is not who she is anymore. I am forever changed and while I still feel an emptiness, a void, I see it a place for more growth, reflection, and a way to find my way back to this side of the ocean. 

I've learned great lessons along the way about values, morals, the value of a dollar, hospitality, love, generosity, and in the midst of so little so much is offered. It will be hard to return home and explain in full context what I have touched, felt, seen, smelled, the whole experience. I would not change one second of it, I want more of it actually I want to fill that void with something, just right now I don't have the answers as to what that void is meant to be filled with, and that is okay.

I am proud of myself for taking this journey to a place I have always wanted to go to but always to scared to venture to. The opportunity was a perfect chance for me to take a chance.While I am proud of myself there is still more growing in my heart, soul and mind and more growing in my education on how to problem solve and make world changes.

I go home with a heavy heart, one that still has problems to sort out, memories to embrace, people lives that have changed me, and so many other things to sort through and think about and process that is what is  making writing this so challenging today.

Dakar holds a special place in my heart, the heart, the spirit the zest for life is embedded into me. And while three weeks ago everything was so hard to look at, I now have a new appreciation for it shows hard work and dedication for a life worth fighting for and I am glad I was able to be a small part of this culture for a short period of time. I am so thankful for the experiences and people I have met along the way and I cannot wait to keep doing wonders in the U.S for them. I will be back.

"We've got a lot to learn, God knows were worth it. I won't give up. I don't want to be someone who walks away so easily I'm  here to stay and make the difference I can make."

*** My thoughts are all over the place in this post, I have eight hours on a plane to sort through some and maybe construct something good --- until then my next post will come from the USA. ***

judgment.

Judgment. We all do it whether or not we are conscious of it or not. And while being in Africa I have realized that I have done it about the region I have traveled to. Senegal is part of West Africa and it makes up one of 54 countries within the continent of Africa. Often times people make the judgment that Africa is one big country instead of several "independent" countries,  located in one continent. 

How can one change if we are too ignorant to realize the truth and if we are to quick to judge. We make snap judgments about just about anything and we are all victims about it. However there is a need for a change, and there is still hope to do so.

I've realized throughout this trip to really embrace the people in my life that are going to lift me up, that are not quick to judge, that will take the time to get to know who I truly am. I think the Senegalese population is the prime example of how to embrace people, to take time to get to know and to not jump to conclusions. It is refreshing. It is welcoming. It is pure.

Everyone needs to embrace difference, they need not to be afraid of seeing a different viewpoints. We were all put on this Earth to do something different and while every one may not view each others missions as worthy or acceptable we all have something that drives us. And in the midst of all this Dakar shuffle and lessons learned that I am not here to please everyone and I have my own thoughts and beliefs and that is alright.

Judgment comes with a cost, it comes with baggage. No one is perfect but I hope to leave her more conscious of the thoughts that stream through my head and the way in which others may perceive what I may say or the judgments I might pass. 

I have dealt with judgments about why I decided to travel to this region and as I am beginning to prepare to depart I am coming to realization that as I return to United States I am coming back a different person. Someone who will be stingily aware of the reality we live in, the waste that many use, and the materialistic nature we live in. Along with that the ignorant and uneducated assumptions of those who are caught in the bubble of being raised and living in United States. Being in Dakar has been so awakening to how sheltered we live on our daily lives and it will be a real battle to decide who to have a realistic conversation about what is truly going on over here and for who to allow to keep assuming that Africa is all one big place where Safaris is all people go on. 

The problem and consequences are so wrong with those assumptions and that mind set. And while many believe I went on a Safari, yes those occur in certain regions. And yes women wear baskets on their heads but while they are doing so they are multi-tasking like no one I've seen before.So before people begin to judge about this part of the world, do some research, do some investigating before you drop the lines that you think are true and fill them with knowledge to make sure you represent this population with the justice it deserves.

And for those who put the debate about working on our own countries problems and poverty before going abroad to do, I am not only ashamed but one must not stay so close minded and go abroad to see what we back home are sometimes to afraid to admit is true. And for those who don't want to face the truth the same issue are going on the mid-west as here we are just sheltered and throw money at things to solve issues that are occurring in our own backyards when what we should be doing is to become educated on both in state issues and abroad issues and using problem solving skills to solve the issues on a global scale. 

Form partnerships and do your part to help with crisis that in fact we are all part of. Some overtly, some covertly, and for some in their perfect worlds all is well and dandy. Wake up, the world is calling. And we are all part of it. Rich, poor, hippy, homeless, everyone. And it is all our duty as people of this world to do something.

T.Dabo

This post started and was erased many times and took several hours believe it or not cause I don't want to write something and not have it do justice, I decided to walk away for a second, grab my devotional book and I read it, cried, and there it was part of what I needed to write this post. The devotionals that I am quoting are from 'Jesus Calling: Enjoying Peace in His Presence' by Sarah Young --- the book is amazing, and today it was exactly what I needed...

"I am creating something new in you: a bubbling spring of Joy that spills over into others' lives. Do not mistake this Joy for your own or try to take credit for it in any way. Instead, watch in delight as My Spirit flows through you to bless others. Let yourself become a reservoir of the Spirit's fruit..." 

I do not feel worthy to have a sense of accomplishment after today, and I am beginning to struggle with having to leave Talibo Dabo for now. While the students smiled when we were around them it still doesn't fill in the gaps that I feel as my days approaching my departure from Dakar. And while I cannot agree with all the practices or lack there of taking place at the school I have been working in I would like to take the happiness those kids have embedded into my heart and soul and display in it this post...

Our departure today meant we came baring gifts and the three of us who have been working at Talibo Dabo decided to bring fruit and a jug of water. I was an advocate for filling their bellies with something of nutritional value and something that might sustain longer than a sugar buzz. The result of our gifts was fulfilling while the sight was as though someone has dropped something sweet on the floor while ants devoured the food before anyone had a chance to clean the spill up. Of course the spill in my class was of feeding the kids bananas, but it was nuts we could not get the bananas unpeeled fast enough and while pouring glasses of water the kids chugged the water faster than we could pour it, a ten gallon water jug was gone in less than ten minutes of hungry and thirsty children whose first meal was probably provided by our three dollar purchase from the vendor across the street from their school. I will never forget the sight it was as if we had the last jug of water and there was to be no more after the last drop was served. Heartbreaking, yet it was humbling. There was no greater feeling than satisfying a handful of starving bellies for a split second, the water went right through them all soon after their snack we keep dismissing to the potty, but nothing else mattered during those three hours spent at Talibo Dabo this morning.

After snack and potty time it was time to conclude our lessons with the kiddos with a Ipad lesson using the story 'Little Hen' that read the story in French so that the kids could understand it, it was absolutely adorable all the students were surrounding me as I held the Ipad and there were fascinated by the story being played from the Ipad and how you could touch the screen to make the next part play, followed by the story we allowed the kiddos to draw their own hens on construction paper -- it was a chance for them to express their creativity and be praised while doing it!

And while I cannot take all the little lives I hope that I can take the little snapshots and voice clips with me forever. I will never forget the voice of my students saying "Amina." "Madame" and repeating the silly English phrases we said and they repeated back with their accents, adorable. Each child is different regardless of their abilities or disabilities, no child is ever the same and however regardless of where we call home or how much or how little we have we all know how to love, smile, laugh, dance, embrace the lives we live. That is something I will always cherish, that and all the pictures I will be framing of those smiling and resilient faces.

"... Your part is to live close to Me, open to all that I am doing in you. Don't try to control the streaming of My spirit through you. Just keep focusing on Me as we walk through this day together. Enjoy My Presence, which permeates you with Love, Joy, and Peace."

 "The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit.” 

                          John 3:8

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law."   

                                 Galatians 5:22-23

I do not have all my feelings sorted out, I have seen things, felt things, and heard things that tear my heart up and those things were to be expected and as I begin to sort through all the emotions and feelings I realize I have to let go and give all my concerns and unanswered question to the man upstairs. Because for right now I am at peace, their bellies were filled, their thirst was quenched, their smiles shined, their hugs were embraced, their voices were listened to, their hearts were seen and loved by me and Sarah, Adriene, and Emily. I will carry their spirits and smiles with me forever, and for right now that is enough and that is putting my mind at ease and in a place of peace.

Silence

I am currently sitting in my room covered by a layer of exhaust, sweat, and oily skin and alone. And alone can sometimes be a scary thing, but right now I am feeling blissful. Although I have enjoyed sharing a hotel room with two girls in my program for two weeks and developing deeper friendships than expected I enjoy these moments of silence, only filled with the steady hum of the air condition and the view where my mind wanders as I compose my new blog posts.

Normally I would write with music plugged into my ears and tap with beat, however today I sit in silence. And while many people struggle with silence, and no silence is not something I am always good with, but I've learned while being here how peaceful it is. When you silence your mind you can take so many things in while walking through the streets here or while enjoying a meal. Silence has allowed me to enjoy many Senegalese meals here, talking during meals is a sign that the food is not good, people savor their meals here and I've come to respect that.

Today was a perfect example of that, as we finished our painting project at Angela Davis one of the administrators invited me into the teachers lounge to enjoy a traditional Senegalese meal and while the thought of having to share in this type of meal was an option while being abroad actually sitting down with a large pan in front of me with a spoon and five others to eat out of the same thing, when you are full you get up and allow for another hungry one to come and eat. It's a new way, its a different way, but it worked.

Silence throughout my whole trip has allowed me to reflect, figure some things out without the distractions of reality TV, text messages, phone calls. Silence has allowed me to hear, see, and feel things I don't take the time to enjoy. I am thankful for the silent moments in life and where it had led me to today. Very thankful!

Clarity...

Today is bittersweet. I don't know why I'm feeling this way but I do. I know that in seven short days I will be back home with loved ones and friends, however I think the feeling of having to have closure with everything and everyone is beginning to set in. I cannot believe I am on the final stretch of my journey to Dakar this is the one week mark and I have never felt more blessed and never have had so much self reflection and when I return home I hope to embrace my own individual time and being grateful for the truly amazing things in my life. They said prior to coming that I would be forever changed and throughout the past two weeks unbeknownst to me I have transformed -- I have a new found appreciation for things. I do not always need to plugged in I have found that while being submerged in a new environment that while being still and absorbing my surroundings there is beauty everywhere in every alley, every street side soccer game, every small shop --- everywhere and we neglect that back home. We carry on instead of stopping for a minute and breathing it all in. And while taking it all in for what its worth took time it has been an array of emotions, feeling, energy. 

On the days of down time I still find myself fatigued and its not strictly physically capacity being sucked out from the sun beating down but the emotional wear and tear can bring you down, but in those trying moments I have found the most clarity. And by clarity I do not mean that I have ti all figured out, I still sort through my emotions daily, my mind races here with questions, concerns, solutions and mysteries. Regardless of anything I will go home thankful, thankful for the beauty God has created in Dakar from the continent, place, land, people, and the blessing of this opportunity in my life. I will also go home thankful for: family, friends, electricity, clean water, a secure place to call home, clean air, an education, love, dreams that can come true, my health, and food/nutrition.

Here is my week three 'I am' poem --

I am so small in a world so BIG

I wonder what will be revealed to me once I am immersed back into reality abut my experiences in Dakar

I hear the silence of the conversations and musical tunes within classrooms.

I see the almond eyes starring in to m my mine gesturing for the water from my bag.

I want to fill the emptiness of bellies, the loneliness of hearts, and the emptiness of someone telling them their proud.

I am so small in a world so BIG

I pretend that I am not trying to escape from this place to return to the 'luxuries' I'm longing for.

I feel the grumble of my tummy as a reminder of the people on the street who are starving

I touch the salty ocean water and breathe a deep breath in as the wave crashes and washes happiness upon me

I worry about the future not only for me but for the children I have been working with

I cry for what I am leaving behind

I am so small in a world so BIG

I understand that I am one of thousands who does not have the answers and have many unanswered questions

I say "tell me what it is you plan to do with this one wild and precious life" [Mary Oliver]

I dream of what I will do from afar for Africa and when God will bless me with a return journey [hopefully sooner than later]

I try to piece it all together while my mind and heart keep racing

I hope that my journey is carried with me always and the heartache be turned into scares that are a constant reminder of where I've been and what its done to me and for me

I am so small in a world so BIG

Peace

Enter his gates with thanksgiving
    and his courts with praise;
    give thanks to him and praise his name. 

                       Psalm 100:4

Yesterday was truly an amazing day spent with the group in a small quaint town of Theis. While the thought of waking up early to catch a three hour bus ride wasn't ideal there was something magical that happened throughout the day. The alarm clock woke us to a deep blue ocean sky while the moon glistened overhead while I enjoyed my yogurt and freshly cut mango. We moaned that the moon was still out but the day meant that we rose with the African sunrise. Our bus ride would take us out of Dakar into the heart of transportation and communication and there we found the carpet factory where the local people are trained and master these fascinating carpet pieces that are priced over millions of dollars. The process is time consuming often taking several months to years to complete and the owners are high rollers and I'm pretty sure the creators don't see the commission.

But aside from the process of production yesterday brought a sense of renewal, a feeling of purpose, a feeling of things being put into perspective and a gratitude for the things in my life that enrich it and the need to change. I've felt vulnerable, stripped away from all familiarity and filled up with renewal. And while I have been immersed in a culture none of my own I've enjoyed the relationships among the locals and the vulnerability experienced by a lack of ability to communicate. And as a plane flew over while I touched the Atlantic from not Boston but Senegal I remembered the feeling of flying into the airport and having a sense of panic and uncertainty of what I have gotten myself into. I now overlook the crashing waves and I am at peace. I have been stripped away of all worries and have an over encompassing gratitude for being at peace. And with peace comes passion and empowerment. Because without having an urge or dream to come here I'd be stuck and unchanged. 

And while life at home will be returning soon, I've enjoyed the uncertainty of what may come next and the sense of security I've felt with it all. And while many admire the fact we are American and welcome us to Senegal for our first time, and while many back home feel as though I'm helping the children and student I've come to realize they have helped me. They have prioritized things and put this big, giant, world into perspective. And while last week when I felt belittled and powerless I now feel an overwhelming sense that I can do and feel so much and all will be okay. And while I yearn for the people here I realized they are happy, at peace, and so advanced in so many thing that back home we are not. We may have more material goods, but back home we lack value, gratitude for others deeds, selflessness and vulnerability. Yesterday was what I needed, I'm empowered, rejuvenated, and overall happy and peaceful.

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

                     John 16:33

Snapshots.

I snuck away for three hours today and nestled into a corner of the French Connection, plugged in my iPod and spent my time reflecting on the day but what happened was a reflection on the whole day at Talibo Dabo, the school for students with physical and cognitive impairments.

I want to capture it all I want o keep snapshots of emotion, of laziness, of hope, of beauty, of resilience, and most of all I want to bring them all home.

My day in snapshots.

We planned a morning lesson of teaching the stages of the caterpillar into a butterfly, in which we would crate a butterfly out of tissue paper and clothes pins with markers to spread color by a water squirt bottle. However like many things in Dakar  there happened to be a ceremony for a donation given to Talibo Dabo shortly after we arrived so our lesson was postponed until Monday (fingers crossed) so off we went to a ceremony that greeted us with lively music and tons of lawn chairs for the students. Snapshot.When it was time to make our way outside the teacher up and left to find her own seat and didn't care about the kiddos who were put in chairs at the beginning of the day and needed a wheelchair to be able to be transported. The kids will literally sit there and hope their classmates will come back and help them. There are a couples kids who always get stranded and although we cannot communicate in the same language their eyes say it all. Their eyes speak nothing short of allowing the dam of tears behind their eyes to give out and let loose. Their posture tenses and an uneasiness is evident. It's heartbreaking to witness.

And to add to it the teachers are no where to be found --- its sickening. Although the government here does dictate a lot of things it does not chose peoples professions, the teachers chose to go into teaching, I would love to assume they have the same burning desire to teach as I do, today it was evident they do not. They're lazy. I wonder if they possess compassion.

Snapshot. The little boy is always left I learned today has no  lower body mobility and was literally lifted from his seat by his classmate no older than 7 years old the whisked away on rims that have no rubber tires and then transferred to yet another chair to make sure other kids can be transported. Mind you all of this is going on while the teachers are sitting in chairs covered by shade while a group of fifty or so children with Down Syndrome come out of a classroom not found within the building that my kiddos are in.  Snapshot. If you want to see segregation clear as day you should have seen the sight. Children with Down Syndrome of all ages young and old came running out shaking my hand and hugging and latching on to the hug, only to find occupied seats and teachers making students give up their seats for them. It was sickening, outrageous at that. There was a sense of panic because the kids didn't know where to sit, I grabbed some kids and lead them to the front where we sat on the ground. Both Adriene and I had little girls nestled in our laps and other little ones surrounding us. One peanut played with my hair and loved all over me. I wonder what runs through their minds. Prior to the presentation beginning I grabbed my guys hand, that is always left, and danced his shoulders around the last think he needed was to feel alone again but in a crowd. I got a smile on his face and carried on to more greetings and hugs. Snapshot. The little peanut I helped walk the other day was escorted and sat down by Sarah and Adriene, and soon after she was greeted by a smile fro a girl who has Down Syndrome where she picked her up and set her on her lap, they stayed put the rest of the program. Precious. 

The whole ceremony was in honor of a donation from DHL which donated plants and food in order to empower the student that they can be contributing members to society and make a difference. The director of the school said "It's not about the battle, its about the fight." Sarah was able to talk to with the head guy from DHL in West Africa and he is interested in forming a partnership in which he would supply Talibo Dabo with what we think would help benefit and better the school and the students. I am crossing my fingers and toes that this is followed through and words are put to action!

Snapshot. What really made the kids appreciate the ceremony was the presence of the DJ which played their favorite tunes in which everyone was dancing. Music is so powerful and unlike many people who surround the students at Talibo Dabo , music doesn't discriminate. And that is awe-inspiring. Those kids know how to boogie. There were also juice tins for the students, which is a big deal these kids come to school lacking their basic life needs and regularly ask for our water. I was so excited for the thirsty kiddos from my room to get refreshed. But much like all the other disappointment it continued to prevail. Barely half the students go drink and many teachers did, to top it off the kiddos needed help getting the tops off and when asking their teachers for help they were told no ---Adriene and I took off a lot of bottle tabs and had sticky hands.

Snapshot. As the program ended the teachers took a new seat inside the school while the kids scrambled around juggling between the limited wheelchairs to get everyone inside. Imagine teachers sitting inside the school while three children are stranded in their seats crying feeling like their going to be left there with tears wheeled up and flowing down their cheeks. And the only people concerned are me, Adriene, and the two ladies from Canada all of which are visitors to the school. We were the ones trying to get the kids inside safely and to the right class. While looking for a wheelchair for one of my favorites a teacher asked if I knew the dance that is popular here, this is what I could've lost it. Hell no I don't know the dance I'm worrying about the ones you should be concerned with. I became disgusted and through the tears we got everyone in the room and situated. Only to find that the teacher had left the school...

Snapshot. Now here Adriene and I are with 15-20 children and nothing to do. Thank goodness for the children's book 'Rio' and Toy Story coloring books and crayons --- our saving grace. Our Canadian colleague left with a low head and disbelief of the convenience that the teacher felt to leave a classroom full of Kindergarten and first grade children.

Snapshots. A little boy trying to say 'toilet' who has no lower body mobility was asking me to use the bathroom, how was I to take who was wheelchair bound to a pit toilet? Luckily we managed to communicate to the two oldest boys in class and designated them to helping him in the bathroom. Mind you on the way they passed '3' helpers to the school who were adults. The initiative and helpfulness of the children i work with is phenomenal and unmatched. 

Snapshot. Another boy with his male body part out with it in a bottle, yes bottle! While his classmates tug on my arm saying "Madame (pointing to boy) toilet," figuring he was trapped in his seat by his classmates in wheelchairs listening to the 'Rio' book during our spontaneous circle time I rushed to free the 'toilet' boy only to find the bottle filled with pee. His classmate took care of it... 

Is it a crime to allow children with disabilities the right to a bathroom? Why is it that someone has allowed children who are around the corner from a restroom to pee in a bottle? Why is it that children are allowed to walk around wet from their own urine, and terrorized by flies because of their feces? Why is that a child can be escorted back to class with his pants around his ankles? Why is it that someone cannot wipe snot from the noses of children and the drool away from their mouths? Why is it okay for children with cognitive impairments to be classified as not capable of a school book? How is it that children sit all day and not be acknowledged by their teacher?

Snapshot. The boy who was burned and skin graphed and another student were tackling each other while Adriene and I grab both strong willed and strong boys and pull them apart all while glancing out to other classes in hopes our faces show desperation for assistance and order. The teacher laughed. Laughed at our attempts to contain chaos. Speechless. More tackles later we settled back into coloring and the teacher returned to tell us good job and to depart again.

Snapshot. All the students calling Madame and holding their crayola masterpieces in the air for us to ooh-and-ahh at the beauty they can create when given the opportunity. Their faces  show something they are proud of , the rub on their backs given by the two of us are absorbed and genuinely appreciated, followed by a smile that radiates their inner beauty. Before we admire all the art work Madame is called again from the first artist and the chain reaction repeats itself. It never gets old, they need the encouragement and I need the smiles. 

Snapshot. The final seconds of our day come to a close and we departed. We return on Monday and we begin our good-byes. And while the protocol is handshakes to greet and say goodbye I dismiss it and pull each kiddo in for a hug, they deserve it, they need it. There is nothing better than embracing the kids in my class. They absorb it in, they appreciate it, they're genuine. With both the greetings and goodbyes I feel complete, I've met my purpose here. 

And while my heart still aches I am making the most of my time with them. Their faces, their being fills me up and transports me into another state, a state of gratitude for the opportunities and the life I live, along with a love at first sight that I will carry forever. Although they need me, I need them. I needed to come here and although its not been an easy journey I have always wanted to come to Africa for a reason and looking into their eyes and holding their hands or offering a hug is why I was beckoned to journey here. I am forever changed. I am forever blessed by those beautiful souls. Time to make a change.

Reflection [week 2 begins]

As the sun greeted us at breakfast today so does a new day and a new week and with it comes new adventures and returning to old places we visited before. And I prepare for the new week of work I still am unsure of what I may face with the upcoming week. And while each day I am here I grow accustom to new things there are still new challenges around every corner. 

"Welcome challenging times as opportunities to trust Me. You have Me beside you and My spirit within you, so no set of circumstances is too much for you to handle. When the path before you is dotted with difficulties, beware of measuring your strength against those challenges. That calculation is certain to riddle you with anxiety. Without Me, you wouldn't make it past the first hurdle! The way to walk through demanding days is to grip My hand tightly and stay in close communication with Me. Let your thoughts and spoken words be richly flavored with trust and thankfulness. Regardless of the day's problems, I can keep you in perfect Peace as you stay close to me."

                                                   

                                                                                                  -Jesus Calling Devotional Book

As the new day brings new adventure and more realizations of life, I begin with a new 'I am' poem. I posted one a couple posts back and am going to write a new one with each new week here is my latest version...

I am a temporary member of the Senegalese culture

I wonder why the world isn't doing more for these people

I hear the sound of the Wolof language as it rolls off the natives tongue

I see the dark German chocolate brown skin glisten with a caramelized glaze of sunshine glimmer

I want to provide the children a protection from the disease and illness they can contract

I am a temporary member of the Senegalese culture

I pretend that my  heart doesn't ache while I'm surrounded by the children

I feel an emptiness and helplessness  as I reflect upon my days here

I touch the snall hands of children who others believe don't have a shot in this big world, while the hand that grabs on tight believes the world is at their finger tips

I worry about the future of the students lives I am honored to work with

I cry over the smiling faces of children who've come to accept a false notion of reality

I am a temporary member of the Senegalese culture

I understand that we are all contributors to the problem, but can be part of the solution

I say "no one has ever become poor by giving" [Anne Frank]

I dream of a school run with the students interest in mind

I try to make the biggest impact while I'm in Senegal, and try to offer my best.

I hope the children's hearts that have touched my soul forever will remember me after i leave

I am a temporary member of the Senegalese culture

[[Please continue to send well wishes and happy thoughts and prayers our way! 
Happy Monday to all!]]

Senegalese

"Nit, nit ay garabam" [Wolof proverb: man is man's cure to warn against one's own isolation]

  

            "Oekkandoo, jamm a ci gen" [Wolof proverb: in neighbors peace is better]

There is a term used here in their native language {Wolof} to represent a hospitality and a sense of community teraanga. Teraanga represents the Senegalese culture. It is the culture of caring for others and for providing hospitality. There is teraanga throughout the air I breathe in and ground that I walk on, I feel as though although I am an outsider I am welcomed and accepted and looked out for, it is a feeling of home away from home, its peaceful. It's comforting. I have been writing down adjectives about Senegal over the past week and have come up with following I hope between the pictures on my Facebook and the descriptions below I can capture a taste of the world I am living in, it is truly so special. Following this post I will hopefully share a video of city life and the Senegalese lifestyle. For now some of the greatest people I have every met --- the people of Senegal: 

Compassion. There is compassion for each other, for things, for life, for every square inch of Senegal. A passion for learning, for getting to know others, and for helping others out. I wish America had more compassion, the level of compassion over here is so hard to describe, but it is pure, it is genuine, it is toxic in a grand way. Compassion followed by love, its so great!

Pride. Green, yellow, and red represent the countries flag and along with it comes a sense of pride and glory for their country and all the people who bind together to create suck a community. Every single person I have interacted with have asked where we are from and they are so intrigued with the United States and they share that they would love to visit, but not one person has shown interest in leaving Senegal. Most people say they want to visit but strictly visit, they would never leave their country. I find this so inspiring and heroic, they are proud of the people and the place they come from even though many would view their conditions as something you would want to abandon, but that is a characteristic about being here I love, they are so proud of who they are not only their country but their language and their lifestyles, they are proud and it shows.

Resilience. The children here and really all the community have a such a resilience embedded in them, I guarantee that if many people I know back home could not handle to live in the conditions in which people here are living. The students I am working with do not know that what services they are receiving are just, however you would never know because they are full of light and carry on throughout their days. They have the abilities to care for one another like it is normal but five and six year old children should not have adult responsibilities however the children never question a classmate in need of anything.

Beauty.Whether it is in their eyes or in their smiles there is a radiance that shines regardless of any circumstance. Their skin shimmers of a German chocolate cake with a radiant polish as the sun catches the color it shines a caramelized golden. Their skin is the color of true beauty and shines one of perseverance, hard work and dedication.

Their land holds beauty too, below are two pictures of one of my favorite places there is the most amazing people that live in this city. I will forever hold the Angela Davis school in my heart and the city.

 

Language. Between Wolof and French the make up of languages spoken here in Senegal is beautiful, it is like music to the ears and everyone here is so happy to hear that we are learning their native language. They have such an urge to learn English here too, the other day we went to Angela Davis' English club performance and they were so happy to show their progress with their English, and all I want to do is to tell them to stay true to themselves and not to conform to what they think is so ideal, they are beautiful inside and out and their language helps mold them into that.

Hospitality.The Senegalese people know how to welcome and take care of guests. I can not tell you how well we have been taken care of while abroad. Not only the hotel staff but the staff at Angela Davis and the University. They are a prime example of how others should treat others. They will make so much food that it would feel a small nation and there are only 12 of us, however it is what their culture is about and we will eat until we are full to the brim and the leftover food is given to the students or anyone really, not a drop of food is wasted. This has led to feeling guilty from time to time and has really made me eat less, to be able to share more. I like that about this country, they share and offer anything to everyone and that is something so admirable to me.

Value. Not only do people here know the value of a dollar because they are few and far between but people in Senegal value their education. Yet another thing I am in awe over and respect them so much for. Below is a picture of university students waiting outside of their dorms to see their class postings and their grades, they value education so much more than Americans do. They study seven days a week, they fight for the financial support they deserve and they question their knowledge and strive for perfection, every single student I met has these qualities and it is so inspiring and makes me want to work harder and learn more. They have a vast amount of knowledge and a competitive edge to create their vast amount of knowledge, its amazing. Yet again students here believe that in the United States school is harder and that we work harder but the reality is that they are working ten times harder and diligently to get the results they know and deserve, its truly something so special to be able to observe.

Amidst it all and despite the pity and sadness I feel all around me I am so amazed and awed by their ability to live life to the fullest and to rebound and overcome so much. They are truly happy and while we sit at home and complain about our jobs, bills, etc., people here are working at their shops until it is too dark to view the items in their shops, and going home to care for families, to help their neighbors and to pick up right where they left off the next and continue the grind. 

Each day I am here I am continually amazed at the beauty and the grace of the community of wonderful people I am surrounded by. Just by walking throughout the streets and working at the places we are working in I have already been humbled and will forever hold a place in my heart for this country and the people who make this place so wonderful. I am truly so blessed by this opportunity despite the heartache, break downs, I know that I am supposed to be here and will leave a mark somehow and for that I am happy and can go to bed at night in peace.

Questions.

"I am involved in each moment of your life. I have carefully mapped out every inch of your journey through this day, even though much of it may feel haphazard. Because the world is in a fallen condition, things always seem to be unraveling around the edges. Expect to find trouble in this day. At the same time, trust me My way is perfect, even in the midst of such messy imperfection. Stay conscious of Me as you go through this day, remembering that I never leave you side. Let the Holy Spirit guide you step by step, protecting you from unnecessary trails and equipping you to get through whatever must be endured. As you trudge through the sludge of this fallen world, keep your mind in heavenly places with Me. Thus the Light of My Presence shines on you, giving you Peace and Joy that circumstances cannot touch."

                                                                                     - Jesus Calling Devotional Book 

This is how my morning began from my devotional book and I made sure to read it both Jen and Emily before we began our day. I should have known that waking up feeling a little off and a little agitated and not seeming like we were leading off our day on the right foot would lead to the day that I had in store. To cut to the chase it went a little something like this:

- a mouse walking on the back of the couch I was sitting on while interviewing the headmaster of the school I was working in

- playing with students who were abandoned by their teacher.... get to more details below.

- Taxi cab overheating and the driver not wanting us to leave, followed by not being able to get out of the car because the car door was stuck [lesson learned: most taxi operate better if you shut the front door first, then open the back]

- trying to get lunch before the call to prayer... [yes we did it]

- headed to Goree Island we hopped in a cab and got lost the driver didn't know French that was a nervous adventure

- missed the ferry by two minutes had to wait and hour

-on the way back the ferry was late so we talked and were mauled by the students that were on a trip there

- our room key was missing

- the water wouldn't turn on to shower...

I questioned humankind today, I truly did. I do not understand why people are okay with how people are living in this city. I went to the school that I am working in today and heard one thing and saw the complete opposite. I have tried writing this part on several occasions and I am not quite sure how to put it... I working with children who are so special and their eyes are from above. Their resilience to situations is unmatched and unlike any I have ever seen before. I questioned humankind today because I would believe that people would not allow children to be left if their urine, and bowel. I would believe that people would not allow to go to school to be unattended to by their 'teachers.' I would believe that people wouldn't allow children with missing limbs to walk on bare floors where mice and rats roam. I would believe that people would not allow their children to have to rely on their classmates to get them to and fro places. The children are precious they have so much potential but here the resources are limited and people believe that the children with disabilities are part of the devil.

And what hurts the most is that this is normal. This is life. This is what each day brings for these children and it is accepted... What hurts the most is that this is not a problem that one person can change, it would take a collective group of individuals if not a world to change the sights and sounds I have witnessed. I am soothed by the resilience and ability to persevere through situations that make me break down, the children and people of Senegal have something so great to offer and offer great life lessons, they have the ability to break me down, but they are all helping build me back up and help me focus my attention on the important things in this one life we have.

This song reminded me of a moment today right before the students were leaving to head home. Since the school doesn't have enough wheelchairs a little boy, which by the way his smile lights up the room and his eyes speak wonders, was sitting at his desk sobbing. And since the rest of the morning did not go as expected I went over to him and asked him what was wrong all he wanted was to go home.... but there wasn't a wheelchair for him. My heart broke. Luckily his classmate came running with a wheelchair he was lifted in a ran out to the bus only get his 'backpack' caught around the tire causing it not to move. I got on the ground to untangle the backpack and was on the verge of tears but pulled through out of the grace of God. He was falling out of the chair and had no belt to keep him attached and no tires, just rims to move the chair. I lifted him up to get into the chair better and he was dead weight --- it broke my heart because back in the states with some PT and OT things could be potentially so much better for him. But the potential for all the students at the school that I am working at and the children in general in Dakar is so high, but hidden by peoples inability to want to change and adjust to meet unique needs. I want to wrap every single child in Talibo Dabo up and bring them home with me and shower them with love and affection -- I will stand by them.

Please continue to send your prayers and well wished to us over here, we are trying to be so strong, positive and take every situation as a learning experience however we still question so much and are torn by the sights, sounds, and situations however I am so blessed to be here and feel this is where I belong despite feeling empty right now. Please pray!