Clarity...

Today is bittersweet. I don't know why I'm feeling this way but I do. I know that in seven short days I will be back home with loved ones and friends, however I think the feeling of having to have closure with everything and everyone is beginning to set in. I cannot believe I am on the final stretch of my journey to Dakar this is the one week mark and I have never felt more blessed and never have had so much self reflection and when I return home I hope to embrace my own individual time and being grateful for the truly amazing things in my life. They said prior to coming that I would be forever changed and throughout the past two weeks unbeknownst to me I have transformed -- I have a new found appreciation for things. I do not always need to plugged in I have found that while being submerged in a new environment that while being still and absorbing my surroundings there is beauty everywhere in every alley, every street side soccer game, every small shop --- everywhere and we neglect that back home. We carry on instead of stopping for a minute and breathing it all in. And while taking it all in for what its worth took time it has been an array of emotions, feeling, energy. 

On the days of down time I still find myself fatigued and its not strictly physically capacity being sucked out from the sun beating down but the emotional wear and tear can bring you down, but in those trying moments I have found the most clarity. And by clarity I do not mean that I have ti all figured out, I still sort through my emotions daily, my mind races here with questions, concerns, solutions and mysteries. Regardless of anything I will go home thankful, thankful for the beauty God has created in Dakar from the continent, place, land, people, and the blessing of this opportunity in my life. I will also go home thankful for: family, friends, electricity, clean water, a secure place to call home, clean air, an education, love, dreams that can come true, my health, and food/nutrition.

Here is my week three 'I am' poem --

I am so small in a world so BIG

I wonder what will be revealed to me once I am immersed back into reality abut my experiences in Dakar

I hear the silence of the conversations and musical tunes within classrooms.

I see the almond eyes starring in to m my mine gesturing for the water from my bag.

I want to fill the emptiness of bellies, the loneliness of hearts, and the emptiness of someone telling them their proud.

I am so small in a world so BIG

I pretend that I am not trying to escape from this place to return to the 'luxuries' I'm longing for.

I feel the grumble of my tummy as a reminder of the people on the street who are starving

I touch the salty ocean water and breathe a deep breath in as the wave crashes and washes happiness upon me

I worry about the future not only for me but for the children I have been working with

I cry for what I am leaving behind

I am so small in a world so BIG

I understand that I am one of thousands who does not have the answers and have many unanswered questions

I say "tell me what it is you plan to do with this one wild and precious life" [Mary Oliver]

I dream of what I will do from afar for Africa and when God will bless me with a return journey [hopefully sooner than later]

I try to piece it all together while my mind and heart keep racing

I hope that my journey is carried with me always and the heartache be turned into scares that are a constant reminder of where I've been and what its done to me and for me

I am so small in a world so BIG